


Simple and Clean

by Yosu



Series: Writtings that are good [5]
Category: Junjou Romantica, Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi
Genre: Angst and Porn, Depression, Gay Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, sentiment is good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 13:57:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14594511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yosu/pseuds/Yosu
Summary: Sex is a lot like Yuu's life at the moment.It's emotionally draining, unhappy, spiraling into apathy. Oh, and Ijuuin is there....Ijuuin is there.





	Simple and Clean

**Author's Note:**

> #getyuuaseme

~~~

 _He just can't love you,_ Yuu thinks -- life going into a depressive spiral.  _What made you think he ever could?_

Yuu was love in love with Chiaki since... well, since they've met. Chiaki, to Yuu, was everything that was good in the world.

And Yuu wasn't good enough for him. And-- and Chiaki's editor --  _Hatori Yoshiyuki --_ was just perfect.

And he couldn't be even more jealous. And he couldn't be more depressed. Or a million other horrible things pilling up inside him, that he hates and just wants to ignore.

It just made him want to curl up and cry himself to sleep.

~~~

"Yanase-kun, are you even listening?" Ryou asks, and it snaps Yuu out of deep thought.

And he laughs uncomfortably. "Sorry, Shizukuishi." Yuu tries smile, forcing one. And he knows it's forced. He knows this well, he hasn't smiled in forever. "Lost in thought."  _Thinking of ways that Chiaki could've been mine. Or how I could've avoided my fight with Hatori. Or--_

"You've been lost in thought a lot recently," Ryou comments. "Yanase-kun, did something happen recently?"

"No." Yuu lies. It happened, hell yes. But Yuu feels much more content denying it. "Unless 'something' is Ijuuin-sensei missing his deadline again."

~~~

 ~~_I just wanted to love you. Why did it end up like this? How could **you**  , of all people, do this t_ _o_ _**me**?_ ~~ ~~  
~~

Yuu hates feeling like this. He hates this ugly, hideous, lonely and drowning feeling.

He just loved Chiaki with all his heart. He never wanted this feeling.

He  _knew_ the feeling of rejection. He knew what it was like to be  _unhappy_. But this feeling?

It's ugly. 

~~~

"Yanase-kun," Ijuuin says in a calm voice.

Yuu snaps to reality. "Yes, Ijuuin-sensei?" And Yuu sighs. "I swear, if Shizukuishi said anything, I--"

Ijuuin gives a solemn look. "Yanase-kun, are you okay?"

Yuu laughs. "I'm  _fine_ , Ijuuin-sensei." But, of course, he's not fine. "No need to worry about me." And, of course, some deep internal part of Yuu wants someone to care.

The author gives Yuu a knowing look -- like he's gone through the same. Or he just understands. Or it's something that is unrelated, and Yuu is doing what he always does.

Assuming the best.

"Yanase-kun," Ijuuin sighs. "I may be your boss, but remember that I'm there for you."

_I don't think you could really understand, Ijuuin-sensei._

~~~

Could Yuu  _ever_ be happy again?

He doesn't know. He just wants all this unhappiness to  _leave him._

He wants to forget Chiaki.

He wants to forget Hatori.

He just wants to forget.

~~~

"We're going out drinking." Ijuuin states to Yuu.

"What?" Yuu asks. Like seriously,  _drinking?_

Ijuuin. "Us. Going out for drinks. At my place."

"With Shizukuishi, right?" Yuu asks. 

"Without Shizukuishi."

Yuu blushes, in a mix of awkwardness and confusion. "...Without Shizukuishi?"

~~~

Yuu is the type of person to get drunk after three beers.

And at the moment, Yuu is drunk in Ijuuin's apartment. And he couldn't feel worse.

Because he's crying and sobbing in his author's arms -- all about Chiaki. All about his feelings. What happened. And Yuu hates every second of it. _Because he doesn't want to talk about it, he just_   _simply wants to fucking forget._

"I just want to forget it." Yuu mumbles through tears.

"About Chiaki?"

"Of course-- who else?" Yuu grumbles. And then he continues sob.

Ijuuin sighs. "Oh. I understand that." He sips his own beer. "I was in the same situation as you."

_Oh. I guess I was right about that._

"Misaki."  _God, their names even rhyme._ "He was a fan of mine -- like a super fan."

_Kinda like Shizukuishi._

"And I fell in love with him. But he was already in love." And Ijuuin sighs. "That's not it --  _he was already_ dating someone."

~~~

Yuu wakes up in his apartment. And he feels like shit.

Like a hangover. Dammit, that's right, he went drinking with Ijuuin.

And feeling this shitty reminds him of the night after Chiaki.

And now, Ijuuin knows every dirty detail about it.

~~~

"I'm glad you told me." Ijuuin tells Yuu.

Yuu can do nothing but sigh. He doesn't  _feel_ good.

Ijuuin pats Yuu's head. "Don't worry to tell me about these things." 

It bothers Yuu. It bothers him a lot. But at least it's not a fist slamming into his face by a 6'3" dude.

~~~

Life loves giving Yuu curve balls. 

Chiaki is invading his thoughts less. He's not thinking about his smile.

It's  _Ijuuin._ His  _boss._

He couldn't fall in love with a guy for just  _understanding_ him. And he most  _definitely_ does not want to his relationship with Ijuuin to end the same like Chiaki.

Why this?

~~~

"You said I can tell you anything, right?"

"Of course, Yanase-kun,"

_"I think I love you."_

~~~

Yuu is with a somewhat relationship with his author.

He's confused about it, but at the same time, he enjoys the confusion.

~~~

"Ijuu--" Yuu cuts off into a moan. He was having sex with Ijuuin. His life started as a mess. It was a real mess now. " _Ijuuin-senseiiiiiiii--"_

It feels so  _good_ to have Ijuuin to thurst into him. It's getting him drunk, and the first time, in a while, Yuu feels  _happy._ And not some sort of fake happiness he's been faking for weeks on end, it's genuine.

And Yuu enjoys it.

Yuu feels like nothing in Ijuuin's arms -- and for a second, Yuu forgot about everything that's happened in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah the title is a kingdom hearts song oof


End file.
